Lydia ended a five-year relationship because both partners had become unhappy and wanted different futures. She still loved her partner but they disagreed about children and settling down versus travel and exploration. After moving out, initial excitement waned as she struggled to motivate herself because her ex had handled everyday planning and logistics. That difficulty caused her to question the breakup. Attention to inner experience, working on weaker personal qualities, making space for all emotions including positive ones, and reviewing goals can help rebuild confidence and move forward after a separation.
"I spent a lot of time worrying about whether I was making the right decision," she told me. "But neither one of us has been happy for a while, and nothing we tried was making things better." "The hard thing," she said, "is that I still love him, and I know he still loves me. But we want very different things from life and from a personal relationship. He wants to start a family, but I'm not even sure that I want children."
To her surprise, Lydia was having difficulty motivating herself, despite her initial excitement about moving on. "I hate to say this," she said, "and it would thrill my boyfriend to hear me admit it, but he was often the one who organized our activities. I would come up with the big plan, but he took care of all the small details that made it happen."
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