"I don't know how to respond when meeting a friend and they exclaim, upon seeing me, You're all gussied up! I don't take it as a compliment. Somehow it sounds like a putdown. I tend to get defensive and argue that just because I'm not wearing jeans and a T-shirt, it doesn't mean I'm gussied up. Wouldn't it be nicer to say, You look nice today?"
"You are right that this is not an innocent compliment. The subtext is that you are trying too hard, and that your efforts just look silly. But that is only a subtext. You do not really have to deal with that. A disarming alternative is to take it on face value, as a compliment. Responding, Thank you, I'm glad you like it at least shows your friend that the implied insult misfired."
A remark like "You're all gussied up" often carries a subtext implying someone is trying too hard, yet a gracious acceptance can neutralize the implied insult. Saying "Thank you, I'm glad you like it" or using a lighthearted quip can show the intended putdown did not land. Older couples may face patronizing curiosity about marriage length and history. A vague answer such as "Seems like forever" avoids encouraging intrusive follow-ups. No one is obligated to recite a detailed marital history to casual questioners, and polite boundaries can be maintained without rudeness.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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