"A loss is a loss, and it is cruel to denigrate it with a comparison to another type of loss. Would you comfort a friend whose car was stolen by saying that it wasn't as bad as having one's house burn down? Miss Manners understands your regret, but it is fortunate that you merely froze, rather than taking up the offensive stance. If you now offer some sympathy, perhaps your grieving friend will feel that she misinterpreted your look."
"In tears, she said, This is our kid and the other friend stiffened. The other friend and I both have children, and I knew what she was thinking, but I hoped the grieving friend wouldn't notice her reaction. Unfortunately, she did, and when she asked about it, the other friend opined that a pet and a child were two different things."
"We own a home in a fairly nice neighborhood where people take good care of their homes and gardens. Many of our neighbors have housekeepers, gardeners, carpenters, etc. I occasionally cross paths with these service providers and want to ask them for their business cards, but a voice in my head says I should ask my neighbors first and go through them. Any advice?"
One diner received news that her dog has an aggressive cancer and expressed that the pet was like a child; another diner reacted by asserting that a pet and a child are different. A companion froze and later regretted appearing to agree. Comparisons between different losses hurt and can denigrate genuine grief; minimizing someone's sorrow through comparison is cruel. Freezing is better than making an offensive comment, and offering sincere sympathy afterward can help repair the relationship. Homeowners in tidy neighborhoods often encounter neighbors' service providers and may hesitate to solicit business cards directly, feeling they should ask neighbors for referrals first.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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