"I was taught from a young age that when a close friend or family member has experienced a loss, the appropriate thing to do is to be there for support. Depending on the person, this might include sharing stories about the deceased, bringing over a casserole, helping with child care, holding their hand while they cry, or whatever the griever needs."
"However, when I experienced a loss, I was shocked that others had very different reactions to my situation. Though there were a few friends who did support me, many made it clear from day one that they weren't emotionally available. One had experienced her own recent loss, and I understood she was emotionally taxed herself. But the others' lack of support shocked me. These were close friends I'd known for years who seemingly had no interest in supporting me."
A grieving person expected close friends and family to offer practical and emotional assistance such as sharing memories, providing meals, helping with childcare, and physical comfort. After experiencing a loss, the person encountered surprising distance: some friends were emotionally unavailable or advised seeking professional help rather than offering personal support. The withdrawal was characterized as presumptuous and unkind by those friends, while one friend's own recent loss explained her distance. The phenomenon of fair-weather friendships is described as longstanding. A separate incident recounts a middle-seat passenger interrupted by a window-seat traveler who persistently proselytized during a cross-country flight.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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