"When the holidays come around and I am shopping for gifts, I look for things that remind me of them and of conversations we've had. Gifts, to me, are not a chore and not an obligation. If I get a thank-you card, it is nice, but I do not see any obligation on their part to send me one. I got my reward already."
"But Miss Manners guesses that you mean that you consider the requirement to send them to be brutal and draconian. Usually, that is the claim of people who are on the receiving end of presents. It is unusual for a generous giver, as you seem to be, to make that argument. But you have in common with them the idea that the act of giving should be a sufficient reward."
"DEAR MISS MANNERS: Unfortunately, in all my etiquette books, there is no reference on the time interval between receiving a wedding/baby shower gift and sending a thank-you note. Is there a too soon/too late window? GENTLE READER: That is because there is not supposed to be an interval. Too early is before the present is received, and too late is any interval afterward although not while the donor is still standing there."
Some people resent the expectation of sending thank-you notes because they view giving itself as reward. Givers often seek confirmation that gifts were received and appreciated. Feedback that a present succeeded or was enjoyed provides emotional reward and confirms receipt. Etiquette treats thank-you notes as immediate: there is no permissible interval between receiving a gift and sending thanks. Too early is before the present is received; any delay afterward is too late, although a recipient should still thank someone who remains present. The expectation balances the giver's need for feedback with the social practice of acknowledging thoughtfulness.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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