"I no longer give big birthday or holiday gifts. I do this because a family member died after I had purchased his Christmas gift. Instead, I give gifts irregularly throughout the year, as I make or come across something that a person will like. I might also repair something for them as a gift, or shovel their snow. Once, I drove someone to outpatient surgery and back, and cared for them until their spouse came home."
"No one should be challenging the relative paltriness of your presents. The ones you named actually sound thoughtful to Miss Manners, even if the way in which they are delivered seems a bit aggressive. But for her own clarification: Your reasoning for not giving more substantial presents is that the recipients might die? Welp. There is your answer, if anyone expresses insult: You are simply trying to save that person's life."
"Two of the most important people in my life my beloved husband, and my closest partner at work share a most annoying habit. The habit is this: When they need something, they suddenly shout out a question before thinking. In these situations, I am usually the only other person in the room. Examples: At home, my husband will call out, Where is the olive oil? (On the counter beside the pepper grinder, where it always is.)"
One correspondent stopped giving large birthday and holiday gifts after a family member died following the purchase of a Christmas gift. Gifts are now given irregularly as handmade items, repairs, services such as driving and caregiving, or small tokens at birthdays and Christmas. Some recipients express offense at the paltriness of these offerings. Those gifts are characterized as thoughtful, and the avoidance of larger presents is framed as motivated by concern that recipients might die. Another correspondent reports two close people who habitually shout out questions impulsively, with examples at home and at work, and wonders if personal helpfulness encourages that habit.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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