"The beauty in gift-giving is in the attention paid to the receiver: looking carefully around their home to see if there is an item of comfort they might be missing; listening to their conversations for tidbits about their interests and hobbies; noticing the slight look of pleasure in their eyes when they see an artwork in a gallery window and deciding to make that pleasure permanent."
"Alas, it is time to point out to them how much more efficient it would be to have all of you do your own shopping. Miss Manners is sorry to see the end of an ancient tradition that was one of the hallmarks of civilization. As you have experienced, the gift registry/wish list has killed it. Just look at what this has done to what used to be referred to as the Christmas Spirit. If they won't"
A reader objects to family pressure to provide Christmas gift lists, valuing surprises chosen from careful observation and attention. The reader describes meaningful gift-giving as noticing needs in a home, listening for interests, and choosing items that create lasting pleasure. Family members insist on circulated wish lists, with a sister repeatedly calling and threatening to involve others until the reader concedes. The reader prefers no gifts over selecting their own items. Miss Manners advises recommending that each person do their own shopping and laments that wish lists have undermined traditional Christmas spirit.
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