"Many people come to therapy with a goal to work on communication, especially with a partner. The problem, as many see it, is "poor communication," and the goal is to have "better communication." Poor communication can mean a lot of things, including ongoing and repeated conflicts, trouble expressing what we want or need, and avoidant tendencies. Therapy can work out a number of these issues. Understanding our cycle of conflict can create quicker off-ramps to repair."
"But we will never fully understand each other; we will never have a completely transparent relationship with our partner or even with ourselves. I have heard many people express longing for a kind of psychological telepathy -to immediately transmit our experience to a partner and have it registered and acted upon. Some couples even approach this in practice, intuiting their partner's desires or worries and acting in their best interests."
Many couples report poor communication, manifesting as recurring conflicts, difficulty expressing needs, and avoidance. Therapy can address these problems by mapping conflict cycles to enable faster repair, teaching attachment-style strategies for self-soothing or addressing withdrawal, and introducing simple scripts such as "When you do X, I feel Y" to clarify needs. However, complete mutual transparency is neither achievable nor necessarily desirable. Total knowledge of a partner's needs and fantasies could eliminate mystery, reduce romance and desire, and remove motivations for intimacy. Comfort and safety may increase, but desire and attraction can diminish when nothing remains unknown.
Read at Psychology Today
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