"She was still Snapchatting me but not really talking, which honestly made me feel abandoned and anxious, especially because I was far away and already feeling alone. I apologized because I never meant to hurt her, and she eventually told me she was sorry for ghosting and that she still loves and cares about me, even though she's still hurt and not happy with me."
"Couples therapist Sarah Gundle covered the "just how I was feeling" maneuver recently in a piece for the magazine. What you're relaying in the second line of your letter seems very much along the lines of what Gundle writes about, so read her piece to get an even better understanding of why your approach was flawed. Even when "I statements" are executed according to technical specifications, they can still land poorly or be superficial to the point of failing to achieve the aim."
Specificity and delivery matter when expressing hurt about sexual behavior. Vague "I" statements can seem superficial and may wound the partner. Apologize for tone and unintended harm, acknowledge the partner's feelings, and accept responsibility for how the message landed. Respect requests for space while maintaining gentle, consistent reassurance to rebuild safety. Use concrete examples of behaviors that hurt rather than abstract statements. Reestablishing connection requires patient, small actions, clear invitations to talk when the partner is ready, and possibly professional guidance if patterns persist.
Read at Slate Magazine
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