"Sasha froze as she heard Eli say, "I don't know if I want to be married anymore." After 11 years together, it felt like the ground had disappeared beneath her. Her chest tightened, her heart raced, and panic rushed in. It had been years since she'd felt this way, but her body still reacted as if the threat was real and happening now."
"Sasha spent years in therapy in her 20s, working through childhood abuse and learning to spot triggers and set boundaries. That work mattered. It allowed her to build a stable life and a loving marriage with Eli. For years, their relationship felt emotionally safe. But when Eli expressed doubt about their marriage, something old woke up in Sasha. She felt a strong fear of being left, and her body switched into protection mode."
"In moments like this, Sasha wasn't reacting to Eli as he was now. Her body was responding to an old threat. Her nervous system saw the chance of separation as danger, making her feel urgent before she could think it through. This is why trauma reactions can feel sudden and overwhelming, the body reacts before the mind. What looks like strong emotion is often the nervous system trying to protect against loss."
Trauma can return in long-term intimate relationships even after years of healing, producing intense physical and emotional reactions. Prior therapy can create stability, but certain relationship events can activate old threat responses. The nervous system often reacts before conscious thought, producing panic, hypervigilance, and urgent fear of abandonment. Partners without trauma history may struggle to understand these reactions. Couples can reduce harm by naming patterns, learning each other's stress signals, practicing self-soothing and grounding, and seeking trauma-informed or couples therapy. Recognizing that strong emotion often reflects an automatic protective response can help rebuild safety and repair connection.
Read at Psychology Today
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