"My spouse and I are expecting a child in early spring. This is particularly joyous, as we struggled with infertility for many years. Unfortunately, there was a recent death in the family. My in-laws included our unborn little one in the obituary-along with something ... else. They included a name for our child. The problem is that we haven't named our little one. This gesture, while I'm sure kindly meant, was really bizarre and surprising."
"I'm not sure you'll need a response to the obituary. The odds that anyone in the family is going to bring it up seem low. Obituaries are, by their very nature, fairly evanescent, and although they obviously mean a great deal to the loved ones of the deceased, they're not the sort of document that gets revisited often or that people refer to in moments of uncertainty."
A couple who struggled with infertility is expecting a child in early spring. A recent death in the family led in-laws to include the unborn child in the obituary and to list a name the parents had not chosen. The proposed name was on their middle-name list but the gesture felt presumptuous and rubbed them the wrong way, especially because they had expressed interest in a name from the mother's non-English first language. The couple has not responded out of sensitivity to the loss. The obituary's naming likely resulted from grief, miscommunication, or an honest mistake rather than an attempt to force the parents' decision. Obituaries are usually ephemeral and unlikely to be revisited frequently.
Read at Slate Magazine
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