"Your in-laws have already created plenty of hurt and resentment by emailing your older son about how evil his love for his husband is. That kind of cruelty doesn’t get erased by a polite invitation. If they can’t show basic respect for your family, they don’t get to participate in your family’s celebrations."
"I think your younger son is taking the high road by standing up for his brother. He’s not trying to punish them for their beliefs; he’s responding to the harm they caused. Excluding people who attacked someone you love is a reasonable boundary, even if it’s uncomfortable."
"If you tell them why they’re not invited, you may end up giving them another opportunity to argue, justify, or attack again. Sometimes the most effective message is simply the absence of access. You can keep your focus on protecting your own peace and your family’s well-being."
"You’re already dreading the holidays because of what they did. The best way to prevent things from getting worse is to set clear expectations now and stick to them. Let your younger son decide, and avoid getting pulled into a debate that will only reopen old wounds."
A parent describes a situation where a rigid, judgmental church family refused to attend an older son’s wedding and sent a hateful email attacking homosexuality. The younger son now plans to exclude the same relatives from his own wedding, arguing that they should not celebrate his brother’s love if they could not celebrate it. The parent worries that exclusion will deepen hurt and resentment and urges the younger son to invite them. The fiancée suggests staying out of the decision. The parent asks whether to let the matter go and whether to inform the relatives of the consequences and reasons, fearing the conflict will worsen during the holidays.
Read at Slate Magazine
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