"You could tell your girlfriend what you think about her reactions and ask her to change them, but I have a better, more efficient idea: Change your own response to her meltdowns. You mention a couple of times in this letter what you're "having to" do to accommodate the emotional spirals, and that's the part I think we should examine. It's what you're doing, but is it actually required?"
"It also feels like her heightened emotions take precedence, even when I have my own issues. A recent example: I found out a family member needed to go to the hospital the same day my girlfriend received some feedback on a work project. I wound up having to talk to her through the (politely-phrased) feedback way longer than we discussed my relative's problems."
Two women moved in together and one partner repeatedly responds to everyday problems with heightened emotions, requiring the other to calm her. During a blackout and a day with a family medical emergency coinciding with work feedback, the calmer partner felt sidelined while providing extended emotional support. The advised approach is to alter one's own reactions to escalations rather than insisting the partner change immediately. The calmer partner can offer brief pragmatic alternatives, set limits on emotional labor, and avoid automatically delivering long therapy-style interventions. Boundaries and solution-focused responses can rebalance care and reduce resentment.
Read at Slate Magazine
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