"Not long ago, we had a misunderstanding over her medication. She's still sharp, but of course she forgets things at times and when I question her, she gets defensive. When I saw she hadn't been taking a certain medication, frustration and anger replaced patience. She insisted she didn't need it anymore; I accused her of ignoring the doctor's orders and putting her health at risk. We went back and forth, until I realized that she was crying."
"My immigrant, hard-working mom had made a million sacrifices for us; seeing her cry broke something within me. My frustration immediately disappeared and I hugged her. Tears gave way to words. She told me she was upset because she feels useless, because her body isn't doing what it used to, her words hitting my heart like torpedoes and reminding me that she is wrestling with things I can't always see. In that moment, I knew my reaction had only added to her pain."
"I messaged her doctor, who confirmed the medication had been removed. The shame I felt was so intense it made my stomach turn. I apologized. "Forgive me, mom. You're right, they removed it. I'm so sorry." And her response was exactly what I knew it would be. She said, "No, it's OK, I know you're always looking out for me, thank God." She meant it, too."
The 83-year-old mother often refuses a hearing aid out of vanity, causing repeated misunderstandings. A medication misunderstanding escalated when the mother stopped taking a prescription, leading to accusations and tears. The mother's crying revealed feelings of uselessness and frustration about aging and loss of control. Contacting the doctor confirmed the medication had been discontinued, prompting intense shame and an apology. The mother forgave and regained relief through conversation, laughter, and connection. The caregiver learned that taking responsibility, offering mercy, and seeking understanding matter deeply when caring for an aging parent.
Read at Psychology Today
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