"Every year, the holidays-which the media presents as the most joyful time of the year-can be a marathon to endure for the estranged. Often, they're a painful reminder of the loss, loneliness, alienation, shame, and stigma that accompany family alienation. Many admit that they suffer from October through December, when the hurts of estrangement reach an emotional crescendo. Some are blindsided by depression and low self‐worth, even while recognizing that the holidays perpetuate the fantasy of a loving family-an experience many people don't have."
"Even for those who confidently severed family relations and continue to believe in the wisdom of that decision, holidays spent alone may prompt still another reevaluation of whether a complete cutoff is absolutely the right and healthy choice. Making matters worse, family members at this time of year exert considerable pressure on the estranged to reconcile. Therefore, sustaining any type of estrangement may take considerable time, effort, and determination."
Holidays, portrayed as joyful, can become a marathon of loss, loneliness, alienation, shame, and stigma for estranged people. Many suffer from October through December as estrangement pains peak, experiencing depression and low self-worth while confronting unrealistic family fantasies. Each family invitation triggers crises about attending, inviting estranged relatives, explaining the situation to children, and stopping relatives' pressure for reconnection. Underlying these dilemmas is whether to reevaluate the cutoff and seek reconciliation. Even those confident in severing ties may reconsider after lonely holidays. Family pressure around the season intensifies, and maintaining estrangement often requires considerable time, effort, and determination.
Read at Psychology Today
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