"Dad made more than a few missteps, including announcing the engagement on Facebook before informing Mom's sister, inviting the new wife to Mom's delayed memorial service, bragging about his child bride (she's 72, and he's 82) to the priest at my nephew's hospice deathbed, ignoring Mom's wishes to have her ashes placed in a sectarian columbarium rather than scattered in her favorite state park, and other actions that felt like a slap in our faces and disrespect for Mom's memory."
"My latest headache is Dad is constantly bragging about his new wife. Every single time I call, he puts her on speakerphone, and he has to call her child bride, beloved bride, blushing bride or something else equally revolting. He can't just call her by her name, which happens to be the same as my mom's. The straw that broke the camel's back for me was when he referred to her as his lover."
"Your father is still in the honeymoon phase of his marriage, and love has been known to make people goofy. While it may have been insensitive for you to have been asked to ship estrogen cream to his lover, there are other things that could have been even more embarrassing. You may have been the only person they could ask."
An adult child feels hurt by an 82-year-old father's rapid remarriage and public displays of affection for his 72-year-old new wife. The father made several actions perceived as disrespectful to the deceased mother, including public announcements, inviting the new wife to memorial events, and overriding wishes about ashes. The child experiences repeated exposure to sentimental nicknames and intrusive requests, has attended therapy, and finds the behavior distressing. The father's honeymoon-phase behavior and overt bragging exacerbate the pain. Calm, direct boundary-setting asking for use of the wife's name, choosing timing and tone, and accepting gradual adjustment are practical coping steps to preserve contact and reduce hurt.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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