"I was in a relationship with a man 45 years ago whom I loved more than I loved anyone in my life. Then he married someone. He didn't tell me, I heard it from a colleague. I was able to get myself together with a lot of counseling. I married a wonderful man who loves me with all his heart, and I love him the same. I was able to stay away from the first man for many years."
"What he said may have made him feel better, but it wasn't actually for your benefit. An amends includes an acknowledgement of the harm caused, an apology and an effort to right what was set wrong, if possible. Telling you that he would always love you is not that. That's sentiment and nostalgia and, in my view, unkind. But you aren't trapped in his imperfect narrative. Focus on what you need."
A past romantic partner resurfaced after decades and expressed enduring love while now married, which reactivated trauma and anxiety. The sentimental confession provided emotional relief to the speaker but did not acknowledge harm or offer a true amends. Recommended responses include internal work to forgive and comfort the younger wounded self and external actions to protect current life, such as blocking contact and declining friendship. Writing a letter can help state forgiveness (if felt) while firmly denying present friendship. Seeking a counselor experienced with late-life issues is advised, even if suitable help feels difficult to find.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
Unable to calculate read time
Collection
[
|
...
]