#boundary-setting

#boundary-setting

Dear Forced, I really wish I could get a glass of wine with you and hear about a million more details about your relationship with your mother-in-law, husband, and even this poor, anxious dog. But in the absence of knowing how you feel about these mammals, I've developed a conspiracy theory: Is it possible your MIL brought Chari on purpose, knowing you'd have to leave, because she was craving some solo time with her son?

I am a queer man of color in my mid-20s. I grew up in a mostly white, conservative, rural town. It was hellish growing up there, dealing with constant microaggressions, racism, and homophobia. Even though I was not out of the closet at the time, I was constantly clocked as being gay and ridiculed as a result. Despite this, I had some incredibly close friends who were a godsend during that time.

When the bill came, it sat on the table for a while; neither of us touched it. Eventually, I picked it up and asked if she wanted to split it, and she said yes immediately. I was caught off guard because she had clearly said beforehand that she wanted to treat me, so I hadn't expected to pay. It's not about the money

I think the most prudent thing to do here is to consider what the emotional fallout will be if the same thing were to happen again. You've written your letter in a hypothetical voice without identifying yourself, which is uncommon for this column, but I have a hunch that if you're in this configuration, you're the wife. If that is true, envision what a scenario will be like if your husband follows the same pattern.

My husband of more than 20 years gives me slipper socks with grippy soles. I hate them! We live in a hot climate, so I have little use for them. They filled up my sock drawer and retraumatized me every time I touched them. I threw them away and they came back. He gave me five more pairs at Christmas. They can't be worn with shoes or out in public.

I realize Christmas is still a ways off, but every year I go all out to find my niece the hottest must-have toy, only for her mother (my sister-in-law) to accuse me of trying to buy her affection. My brother and his wife have fewer resources than I have, so I don't mind shelling out to make my niece's Christmas as magical as possible. How can I convince my SIL that I'm not trying to upstage her?

But that advice was followed during a different time and for workplaces that were designed to keep you in line, not further your career. In today's fast-moving workforce, clinging to outdated relationships, toxic workplaces, or unfair structures isn't loyalty. It's self-sabotaging. It's time to rethink what was once considered the norm. Sometimes burning a bridge isn't reckless. It's strategic. It's the first step toward building something better in your career.

Our niece (my husband's brother's daughter) is expecting her first child. While we are very happy for her, the way she announced her news, and some of her past actions, have affected my feelings toward her as they had directly impacted me, my husband and our kids. This niece announced her pregnancy to us (via FaceTime, as she doesn't live locally) at a family birthday dinner that was held for the combined birthdays of her father and our son.

My best friend of nearly 50 years has been diagnosed with cancer, and the prognosis isn't good. Naturally, I want to support her, but she's making it very challenging. I just spoke with her on the phone to check in, and she got angry with me over something incredibly simple. I had asked about her pain level during her treatment that day and expressed how sorry I was that she had to endure such pain.

The last few years I've just started telling him and everyone around us that I don't like music and don't care for it in the background. I'm not embarrassed, it just hurts my ears, literally. I realize it brings him/them joy, but how much joy do I tolerate at my extreme discomfort? I actually used to really like, even love, some music, but now I completely hate it. Hating music is now part of my personality, which I never intended.