"The first thing you should do may be the hardest: Talk to your son and ask him his honest opinion about the last 14 years. This blow-up didn't come out of nowhere. You write that he was sort of OK, for instance. This raises big questions. How much hurt has he been sitting on all this time? Has he tried talking about this before? What is sort of OK?"
"Give him space to voice his feelings, acknowledge them, apologize if and when appropriate and then talk about what happens next. It's not really fair for him to dictate whom you can and can't befriend, but he does have a painful past with this person, so more caution and a clearer boundary is going to be necessary. All of it starts with clearing the air with your son."
Parents maintained a close, parental relationship with their son's ex for 14 years after she cheated and remained friends with their son. The son's recent engagement triggered a strong reaction when he learned they remained close, revealing unresolved hurt. The immediate step is to talk candidly with the son, invite honest feelings, acknowledge pain, and apologize if appropriate. The parents should give him space to express himself and then negotiate next steps. The parents should avoid unilaterally dropping the ex, but should establish clearer boundaries and exercise caution because the adopted-parent relationship rests on a shaky foundation. Clearing the air with the son is essential before making decisions that could cause further pain to all parties.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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