"Over the years I've noticed the only time I'd see Mikey was when I'd drive to his house or see him at flea markets. I asked him to have lunch, go fishing or hang out with me, and it was always some excuse as to why he couldn't make it. I purposely stepped back from going to see him, and it was over a year before he reached out via text to ask why he hadn't seen me."
"Good for you for asking for what you need. So often, in friendships and other relationships, we fear that talking about what isn't working or making respectful asks for change will repel people, when in reality it makes space for a closer bond. I know it doesn't seem like it in the case of your friendship with Mikey. But by pointing out that something isn't working for you, you've made fixing it easier."
Two lifelong friends have drifted into a one-sided pattern where one friend primarily initiates contact and the other often declines invitations. The initiating friend stepped back and sent an honest text expressing hurt, love, and desire for reciprocity, then received no reply for over a week. Asking for needs often creates space for closer bonds. The other friend may view the friendship differently, be socially uncomfortable, or have grown used to being contacted rather than initiating. Maintaining the connection will require participation from both people and may demand continued outreach or acceptance of limitations.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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