"Recently I decided not to attend a holiday gathering with family members I've joined for decades, and instead hosted my cousins from the other side of the family who have been very kind to me over the years. I wound up unhappy. No sooner had I offered than they decided on the menu, even though I had already placed an order. After the fact, they told me what they couldn't eat or drink and what they would bring."
"These guests don't seem very gracious or grateful at all. Perhaps it's a quirk of personality but it's fair to expect more. A generous interpretation suggests they were just making themselves at home and their version of at home has some rough edges that clash with your sense of hospitality. Either way, this doesn't seem like a good fit for a holiday gathering. Don't let it stick in your craw, though."
"Dear Eric: About 10 years back, I became the primary caregiver for our mother, even though there are five other siblings scattered throughout the country. She resides at a high-level care assisted-living facility nearby, is a healthy 99, but has some significant dementia. I visit one or two times a week and also take her to all her medical appointments and out to lunch. I arrange FaceTime and phone calls with my siblings,"
A host invited cousins instead of attending a long-standing family gathering; the cousins chose the menu despite prior orders, specified dietary restrictions after the fact, brought unexpected dishes, did not help with cleanup, excluded the host from conversation, and turned on television to watch a football game, leaving the host upset. Advice recommended viewing the behavior as a personality mismatch, declining future invitations, resuming the tradition that fits, or proposing lower-stakes ways to connect. Separately, one sibling became primary caregiver for a 99-year-old mother with dementia, visiting weekly, managing appointments, meals, and arranging FaceTime and phone calls with distant siblings.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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