"The ex-wife and you may not get along, but as the mother of your boyfriend's daughter, she's going to continue to be in his life. So, it will be helpful for you to think through what parts of the dynamic are changeable and what parts need to be accepted. You should feel respected, for instance. And that's something you can bring up to him and ask him to address with his ex and her mother."
"Cordiality goes a long way and can smooth over the rough edges of a frayed relationship. You may choose to adjust your weekend schedule, but if you don't, getting a good morning out of them isn't asking too much. Try not to think of this practice as him putting them before you. Perhaps he sees this as a way to keep his daughter and her mother in contact. It's also helpful to remember that your boyfriend's daughter lives there, too."
Living with a partner's adult child and regular visits from the ex-wife and her mother can create ongoing discomfort for a new partner. Those feelings of discomfort are valid, and addressing them through a calm conversation with the boyfriend will be more productive than issuing an ultimatum. Clarify which elements of the household dynamic can change and which must be accepted. Ask for concrete signs of respect and modest compromises, such as having guests meet at church or keeping morning routines private. Promote cordial behavior to reduce friction. Consider adjusting weekend plans if needed, while remembering the daughter also lives in the home.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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