"I am married to a wonderful woman who is a fixer of things. It's not the first marriage for either of us. We have a large, blended family of adult children, some with spouses and children, that generally gets along well. One of her kids brought up the idea of a family beach vacation. I have not seen the group chat with her children in which this was discussed, but my wife said it became apparent that they aren't going to invite my children."
"Sometimes fixers see a mess far down the path and they rush ahead, broom in hand, to try to get it cleaned up before anyone else reaches it. But what they fail to understand is that what may seem like a mess from afar can be just fine by the time you reach it. Or might never have been a mess to begin with."
A husband reports that his wife is a habitual fixer who responded to news that her children's sibling-only beach trip would exclude his children by treating it as a slight. He initially felt slighted but later judged the decision as nostalgic and not malicious. His wife proposed organizing a separate trip for his children, which he believes would reinforce a rift. The wife tends to anticipate problems and offer solutions before asking about feelings. Fixers should ask about emotions and listen rather than preemptively solving perceived problems, since apparent messes may not exist.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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