"This can start with the question, How are you doing? Sometimes, people in care-giving positions really appreciate an outlet, or a chance to check in with themselves. And, at the other times, caregivers just want to have small talk, or a conversation about anything else. Part of this is between your wife and Beverly. If I were you, I'd resist the urge to tell your wife what to say or not say."
"But it's going to help you both to have a conversation about where you stand on the idea of marriage. Does he want to get married? Does he consider this long relationship to be equivalent to marriage? Does he know how important getting married is to you? These are all important things to talk about. And they'll make your bond stronger, married or not."
Ask caregivers how they are doing and offer an empathetic, curious presence. Caregivers may value the chance to vent or may prefer small talk. Respect the relationship between the spouse and the caregiver and avoid directing what the spouse should say. Let empathy guide questions and be prepared to hold whatever response the caregiver offers. For long-term partners, initiate an explicit conversation about marriage and expectations. Clarify whether the partner wants marriage, whether they consider the relationship equivalent to marriage, and whether they know how important marriage is. Open communication will strengthen the bond whether or not a legal marriage occurs.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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