I walked away from a fifteen-year friendship last year and the hardest part wasn't the loss. It was realizing I'd been auditioning for a role the entire time, and the version of me that friendship required was someone who never disagreed, never needed anything, and never outgrew the dynamic. The grief wasn't for the friend. It was for the years I spent performing. - Silicon Canals

"The conventional wisdom says that long friendships are inherently valuable. Fifteen years together means something. We're told to fight for relationships, to honor history, to remember the good times when things get hard."

"I spent most of my life believing that real men don't talk about their feelings. That stoicism was kindness, that keeping things smooth was the same as keeping things real."

"The friendship didn't require me to show up as myself. It required me to show up as a very specific version of myself: compliant, available, never changing."

"Sometimes it's just two people carefully performing a version of each other that neither one actually is."

Believing that being a good friend means being agreeable and useful can lead to superficial relationships. Long friendships may not be valuable if they are based on performance rather than authenticity. The absence of conflict does not equate to closeness. Real connections require individuals to express their true selves, including their feelings. Unlearning the belief that stoicism is kindness is essential for genuine relationships. The grief from losing a friendship can reveal the roles played in maintaining it, highlighting the need for authenticity in connections.

Read at Silicon Canals