"Most mean well when they reassure or correct. They want to help, to soothe, to fix. But often what the person who's sharing really needs isn't reassurance or advice-it's connection. Too many default to reassuring, comforting, or correcting. It feels like support to the responder, yet it can unintentionally, subtly, and possibly even insidiously create distance."
"Reflection, on the other hand, brings the speaker closer to the listener. When the listener mirrors back what the speaker says or feels, with responses such as "That sounds really hard," "You felt dismissed," "You were hoping it would go differently," the listener is conveying, I see you. I'm here with you. That said, it can't just feel like a technique: the speaker really has to feel the listener's emotional engagement in their tone, demeanor, gestures, and facial expression."
The most basic human desire is deep connection with others. Many people unintentionally sabotage connection by offering reassurance, comfort, or advice when someone shares vulnerability. Reassurance, though well-intentioned, can move the vulnerable person away from their lived, felt experience and create distance. Therapeutic listening emphasizes reflecting meaning, emotion, and need to mirror speakers' experience with phrases like 'That sounds really hard.' Genuine emotional engagement—tone, demeanor, gestures, and facial expression—is required for reflection to feel authentic. Reflection helps speakers feel seen, felt, understood, and known, enabling deeper and more sustained connection.
Read at Psychology Today
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