The Bad Part of Being Good

Some highly anxious people also show strong capability and responsibility, often being very good at “good.” Conscientiousness involves self-control, responsibility, hard work, and orderliness, and it is generally linked to better work outcomes, healthier relationships, and longer life because people follow medical advice and care for themselves. Cultivating conscientiousness in children is common, but intense self-control can increase anxiety and inhibition. Strong orderliness can become obsessive control, and pursuit of excellence can turn into perfectionism and burnout. Conscientiousness is not a moral virtue, but a trait shaped by inherited tendencies and environment. Less conscientious people can have adaptive strengths like spontaneity and risk-taking. In modern life, conscientiousness is rewarded so strongly that its costs are often ignored, including guilt, anxiety, intolerance of uncertainty, decision paralysis, and relationship strain from avoiding conflict and difficult emotions.

"Some of the most anxious people I see in my psychotherapy practice are also among the most capable and responsible. They are hardworking, and they hold themselves to high standards. In other words, they are very good at being "good." Conscientiousness, the personality trait characterized by self-control, responsibility, hard work, and orderliness, is generally advantageous."

"However, there can be too much of a good thing. Intense self-control contributes to anxiety and inhibition. A strong drive for orderliness can lead to obsessive control of one's environment. The pursuit of excellence can become perfectionism and lead to burnout. Conscientiousness, in its extreme forms, can wear people down and quietly narrow their lives."

"Conscientiousness is not, in itself, a moral virtue. It is a personality trait that describes (rather than prescribes) a spectrum of inherited tendencies and environmental influences. The less conscientious person has real strengths too: Their spontaneity and appetite for risk can be genuinely adaptive for themselves and for the groups they belong to."

"In my psychotherapy practice, I often see the downside of the intense effort to be good. Extremely conscientious people often struggle with a pervasive sense of guilt about falling short of their obligations to others and their expectations for themselves. Their need for order and control fuels anxiety, and their intolerance of uncertainty can paralyze decision-making. Their close relationships can also suffer when their avoidance of conflict and difficult emotions keeps others at a distance."

Read at Psychology Today