"This tendency manifests in defensiveness, or the chronic pattern of defending oneself without reasonable forethought. Whereas defending oneself can be helpful, especially if one is unjustifiably accused, perfectionists, like with much else they do, take this method to an extreme point. Fundamentally, chronic defensiveness is a game of emotional hot potato, wherein shame is persistently and compulsively redirected and boomeranged, both directly and indirectly, to the accuser."
"Perfectionists tend to perceive their reactions, especially their negative ones, as fully dependent on those of others. So, they may say things like, "I was only reacting to you." Deflected blame takes the shame stemming from one's own poor response, a perceived "overreaction," and places it in the hands of the perceived perpetrator. "I can't overreact if I'm the victim" is the basic belief linked with this version of defensiveness."
Perfectionists protect self-image at almost any cost, often sacrificing relationships through chronic defensiveness. Defensiveness involves compulsive redirection of shame onto others via deflected blame, projection, minimizing, and denial. Perfectionists perceive negative reactions as caused by others and may claim 'I was only reacting to you' or 'I can't overreact if I'm the victim.' Black-and-white thinking frames one person as solely responsible, reinforcing reactive behaviors. Minimizing reduces perceived significance of one's actions, and denial refuses accountability. These defensive patterns preserve self-esteem short-term while damaging trust. Shifting focus to character and accepting imperfections reduces the need for constant defense.
Read at Psychology Today
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