"It is the afternoon of the fawn. Everywhere you turn, in workplaces and households alike, yearlings with saucer eyes, brown felt noses, and stilt-like legs are wondering if you're mad at them. The fawn response, as it's known in some precincts of social media, bundles various forms of ingratiating, people-pleasing behavior. It can manifest in threatening situations, where expressing authentic emotion could elicit a powerful person's wrath or cruelty,"
"Clayton is the author of one of two recent books that try to release fawners from their plight. Her contribution, the rhapsodic and quirky "Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves-and How to Find Our Way Back" (Putnam), joins the chatty and pragmatic "Are You Mad at Me? How to Stop Focusing on What Others Think and Start Living for You" (Gallery), by the psychotherapist Meg Josephson. Both authors are white women who live in California; both have large followings on Instagram."
The fawn response bundles ingratiating, people-pleasing behaviors aimed at avoiding perceived anger or rejection. It appears widely in workplaces, households, and online interactions, producing automatic deference and performative agreeableness. Common examples include laughing at unfunny jokes, feigning enjoyment of unwanted gifts, hastily raising hands, and tailoring emojis to solicit approval. Fawning can arise in dangerous contexts where expressing authentic emotion might provoke a powerful person's wrath or cruelty, as well as in banal social fears. Fawning undermines personal authenticity and decision-making, leaving individuals uncertain about their own preferences and feelings. Therapeutic approaches and practical guidance aim to reduce people-pleasing, build boundaries, and restore self-trust.
Read at The New Yorker
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