How leaders find the balance between adapting to others and being true to themselves

"For a vivid illustration, consider how two fictional characters, namely Don Draper (Madmen) and Michael Scott (The Office) embody these two mantras. Draper clings to a rigid, unchanging identity, using "this is who I am" as armor to avoid confronting his insecurities, while Scott approaches management with unfiltered candor, oversharing, and acting on impulse. Both believe they are being true to themselves, so others should appreciate it, but in reality they are trapped behind a rigid self-protective shield that excuses poor judgment and blocks growth."

"The real problem arises not so much from being untrue to themselves, but rather, from mis-calibrating how they show up, mistaking self-expression for effectiveness. Leaders who are reduced to this kind of pattern routinely erode trust, exhaust their teams, and undermine their own influence. As psychological research shows, every leader carries internal narratives shaped by early experiences about how to stay safe, earn belonging, or manage uncertainty. These narratives result in behavioral patterns that were once adaptive."

Leaders often interpret "being true to themselves" and "ignoring what others think" as the ideal of leadership, but this mindset frequently causes problems. Two fictional examples illustrate different failures: one leader hides behind a fixed identity to avoid insecurity while another practices unfiltered candor and impulsivity. Both mistake self-expression for effectiveness, which erodes trust, exhausts teams, and undermines influence. Early life experiences create internal narratives that produced once-adaptive behaviors. Over time these behaviors can harden into identity, reducing flexibility and limiting leaders' ability to adjust their behavior for greater effectiveness.

Read at Fast Company