Passive-aggressive behavior occurs in everyday interactions and can be hard to recognize. It involves expressing negative emotions such as anger or hostility indirectly, in ways that are easily deniable or not directly linked to the person causing the aggression. An example is “forgetting” to pick someone up to create payback while framing it as a simple mistake. This pattern can function as a defense mechanism that protects someone from the pain of expressing anger directly and receiving a hurtful response. Passive-aggressive communication often aims to convey feelings without stating needs or concerns directly, driven by discomfort with face-to-face conflict and a lack of honesty. It can include subtle comments that seem harmless but negatively affect the receiver.
"“It's when you express negative emotions, such as anger or hostility, in an indirect (or passive) manner, explained Los Angeles clinical psychologist Ryan Howes - 'particularly in a way that is easily deniable or not directly linked to the aggressor.'”"
"“Say you were frustrated with a loved one. Instead of telling them how you feel, you just 'forget' to pick them up from the train station that day. 'This is easily deniable as a simple brain fart, but deep down you know you didn't pick them up because you wanted payback for whatever they did to anger you,' Howes explained. 'It's classified as a defense mechanism because you are defending yourself from the potential pain of expressing your pain or anger directly and reaping their response, which might hurt.'”"
"“When you're being passive-aggressive, you're attempting to convey your feelings about something without actually saying what you want to say,” Toronto-based relationship expert and sexologist Jess O'Reilly told HuffPost."
"“Being passive-aggressive often entails a desire to avoid face-to-face conflict, not being truly honest about what [someone is] thinking, or making subtle comments that appear harmless yet have an underlying negative impact on the receiver,” said Yung, who works at The Connective, a Northern California therapy and wellness practice."
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