When Your Adult Child Won't Look for a Job

"In both my roles as a psychologist to adult children and a coach to their parents, I have seen this avoidance emerge when adult children are struggling with anxiety, low self-worth, or perfectionism. These adult children often say to themselves, "I'll start applying soon," but their competing negative internal self-talk says, "What if I fail?" or "I'm not ready." Their avoidance becomes a way to manage their fear, at least temporarily."

"It is maddening for many parents of adult children who resist or refuse to seek employment. I have coached many parents who feel anxious and helpless as they watch their adult children retreat from the world of work. I have seen this struggle play out many times-with both recent college grads and adults who have already been in the workforce."

Many parents watch adult children retreat from work and feel anxious, helpless, guilty, and angry. Adult children's inaction often reflects underlying struggles such as anxiety, low self-worth, or perfectionism rather than laziness. Internal self-talk and fear of failure produce avoidance strategies like delaying applications or taking an emotionally paralyzing break. Social comparison, fear of rejection, and negative past experiences deepen inactivity, making reengagement harder over time. Parental responses of frustration, panic, or anger shift focus to conflict. Supportive accountability balances empathy with clear expectations and limits to encourage gradual rebuilding of confidence and job-search activity.

Read at Psychology Today