What Makes a Child Feel Like They Matter?

Children need to feel loved, seen, valued, and important to others, and they also need a sense of purpose. Children can be helped to feel that their lives matter by telling them and showing them clearly and directly that their actions, feelings, and behavior are important to caregivers. The first three years of life are especially important because parental input is most labor-intensive and most influential for building internal capacities for self-soothing, self-regulation, and self-esteem. During these years, children form the basis for how they see themselves. Later, jobs in and outside the home can also contribute to a sense of purpose.

"We all want to matter. We want other people to love us and miss us if we aren't there. We want to be important to at least a few other people. We want to feel seen and valued, and we want and need to have a real sense of purpose in life. How do we get there? And just as important, how do we get our children there? How can we help them to feel that they matter? And how can we help them to feel that their lives have purpose?"

"I don't think these necessarily work. I think we help children feel they matter by telling them and showing them clearly and directly that what they do and feel and how they behave is important to us. And this is where the first three years of life come in. These are the years when parental input is the most labor-intensive and also the most important in regard to building the child's internal capacities for self-soothing, self-regulation, and self-esteem. This is when children build the basis for their sense of themselves."

"And how is a parent supposed to make sure they are doing the best they can to provide the building blocks for these important aspects of the child's development? The complete answer is far too long to include in a brief blog post. But a few of the most important things a parent can do occur in the first three years of life: 1. Be with your infant and toddler as much time each day as you can. The belief that quality time is more important than the quantity of time you spend with your young child is just not true at thi"

Read at Psychology Today