A first-grade child reported having no friends at school, causing parental distress. Parents often intervene to solve children's social problems, but doing so can prevent children from learning to manage peer rejection and loneliness. Facing temporary isolation can help children build distress tolerance, initiate social actions, and develop long-term self-reliance. Short-term fixes by adults may impede the acquisition of coping and social problem-solving skills needed in adolescence and adulthood. Allowing children space to navigate lunchtime dynamics and friendship formation encourages resilience, practical social learning, and independent relationship-building over time.
"If we problem-solve our children's issues, that's only good in the short-term," Helen Turner, a social worker, tells TODAY.com. "As they grow, they'll have to figure out how to be self-reliant."
"My daughter has been coming home every night of first grade so far, saying that she does not have any friends at school, that no one wants to play with her," Turner said in her video. "While as a parent, that's heartbreaking, as a social worker, I'm not going to do anything about it. Here's why."
"It is easier said than done, I know, but I am constantly telling parents, 'Just let it happen,'" Turner said in the video. "Oftentimes, when parents insert themselves into these kinds of things, and attempt to problem-solve the situation for their child, ... what they're actually doing is taking the ability for their child to learn what to do in these situations."
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