The Marriage Effect

"When I was deciding whether to have children, in the early 2000s, most of what I read about the prospect was negative. Articles detailed the sleep deprivation, the physical challenges of pregnancy, the sheer overwhelmingness of motherhood. If you want to be happy, these writers warned, don't have children. You might not want to get married, either-after all, marriage, research suggested, mostly benefits men."

"Friends and family had few positive things to say, especially about parenting. When I asked parents I knew about the disadvantages of having children, I got an earful about tantrums, child-care difficulties, and the lack of time to yourself. "You don't sleep for 18 years," one cousin confided. When I would ask about advantages, there was usually a long, awkward pause. "It makes you less selfish," one aunt offered-not a convincing argument for a fiercely independent, career-minded woman such as myself."

Early 2000s coverage emphasized negatives of parenthood: sleep deprivation, pregnancy challenges, and overwhelming motherhood, advising against having children for happiness. Friends and family reported tantrums, child-care difficulties, and lack of time; advantages were rarely cited. Contemporary headlines and forums continue to portray childless unmarried women as happier than married mothers. A nationally representative YouGov survey of 3,000 American women ages 25–55, fielded March 2025, finds married mothers are actually happier than unmarried women and married women without children. In the survey, 19 percent of married mothers described themselves as "very happy."

Read at The Atlantic