"When you fix the "problem," it teaches kids that you don't think they can handle it. Helping a child be flexible-to adapt when things don't happen as they expect or want-builds resilience. Resilience and flexibility are attributes that ultimately make kids happy. I call this the "taping the pretzel" trap: Your child flips out when something unexpected happens and demands you undo it,"
"Because lots of unexpected things are going to happen as your child goes through life that they won't be able to control or undo. Helping them learn to manage disappointment and to cope when they can't have things exactly as they want, or that makes them more comfortable, is a critical muscle they need to build-also known as resilience. The ability to tolerate frustration and to adapt is much more likely to make your child happy in the long term."
Fixing a child's immediate discomfort teaches them they cannot handle problems and fosters a false expectation that someone will always make things better. Repeatedly undoing discomfort prevents children from learning to tolerate frustration and adapt when things go differently than expected. Building flexibility and resilience helps children manage disappointment and increases long-term happiness. Parents can respond with empathy while setting limits instead of enabling inflexibility. Practical responses include acknowledging discomfort, offering comfort or assistance within boundaries, and guiding children to adapt to minor setbacks rather than erasing every uncomfortable experience.
Read at Psychology Today
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