"But nothing actually changes. These stuck adult children tell you they are "researching" possible options. They tell you (and themselves) that they are going to send out resumes or go places to apply for jobs-but they don't. Maybe they mean well when they say they're looking into a certificate program or enrolling in college. You think this time they'll do it, but they don't."
"If you listen closely in those conversations, I bet you hear some "What Ifs" from your adult child. If you sense or actually hear those "What Ifs," then you now have a window into their overthinking. And, those two words, "What If," turn plans into unrealized dreams. The life they imagined and the appealing version of themselves they hoped for got shot down by the repeated words: "What If.""
Many adult children cling to the belief that if they obsess long enough someone else will step in to make them feel better. They often talk about researching options or promise to send resumes, enroll in programs, or apply for jobs but fail to follow through. Circular conversations mask underlying "What if" fears that transform plans into unrealized dreams and block action. Doubts like 'What if I am not qualified?' lead to avoidance or reframing to parents as 'I won't waste time on a soul‑sucking job.' Asking 'What feels uncomfortable but not impossible?' helps pinpoint manageable next steps.
Read at Psychology Today
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