The author expresses her distress over her husband's secretive behavior of watching porn and masturbating while she's briefly out. She feels betrayed and unattractive, interpreting his actions as a preference for solo sexual experiences over intimacy with her. Although he claims his porn use is separate from their sex life and is not a reflection of his attraction to her, she feels that secrecy heightens her insecurities about her body image. The situation prompts her to seek resolution and communication regarding their sexual dynamics.
"...it's the idea of him doing it at home secretly when I'm out briefly that upsets me. It makes me feel like he is waiting for an opportunity alone..."
"...jerking off is more akin to boredom/enjoyment, like deciding to 'eat a bowl of ice cream'..."
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