The situation involves a 12-year-old girl, Fiona, who is facing pressure from her grandmother to adhere to certain beauty standards that she doesn't identify with. The grandmother's persistent comments about Fiona being 'hopelessly ugly' are damaging to her self-esteem, leading her to avoid spending time with her. The recommended approach is to firmly establish boundaries with the grandmother, stating that conversations regarding Fiona's appearance will no longer be entertained. If the grandmother cannot respect these boundaries, access to Fiona should be limited to protect her well-being and mental health.
It's bad enough that she's pressuring Fiona to change her style, but referring to her as 'hopelessly ugly' is both cruel and inappropriate.
Let her know that you will no longer engage with her in conversations about your daughter's looks or clothes, and that if she wants to continue to spend time with her, she has to stop harassing her to go shopping.
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