"We all like to think we're enlightened enough to make better choices for our kids than to repeat some of the shortcomings of our own upbringing. We want them to know they're cared for, and we want to help prepare them to have their best lives. While these may be our goals, no matter how hard we try, there can be times we may find ourselves doing the same things our parents did that drove us crazy."
"For example, have you ever found yourself saying something to your child in frustration that was exactly what your parents said to you when you were a teen? If so, then you recognized you were caught by old patterning. Most of us have done that, and it's not because we chose to do it; it's because it was a reflex that became activated during our frustration."
"In addition, no matter how we were raised, that's often all we know. As a result, repeating what we've internalized can become our default way of reacting when we become emotionally upset. Even when we recognize that our parents were not perfect and made mistakes, we still have a tendency to resort to replicating the way they dealt with things when we get emotionally overwhelmed by our children."
Parents often unconsciously replicate behaviors from their own upbringing because childhood messages become internalized and resurface under frustration. Reflexive reactions frequently mirror parental patterns even when parents intend to change. Emotional overwhelm increases reliance on automatic scripts learned in childhood, producing unhelpful responses toward children. Developing self-awareness enables parents to notice when reactions are disproportionate and to interrupt automatic responses. Pausing to consider options and choosing deliberate responses instead of initial impulses supports healthier interactions. Recognizing and replacing internalized phrases and patterns with constructive strategies reduces repeating past mistakes and promotes more supportive, intentional parenting.
Read at Psychology Today
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