"Dear Prudence, I've been friends with "Tania" for a long time. She is very anti-kid. Not just child-free-she doesn't like children at all and will say so often. Some of it is pushback against gendered expectations in her family, which I sympathize with, e.g., she is expected to regularly care for her infant niece while her brothers and brothers-in-law (including the father!) are never handed a child and diaper bag the moment they're through the door to visit. Still, her dislike of kids is extreme."
"She always complained that she lost her friends when they became parents, and now I'm seeing why! I do have other things to talk about, and I'm in touch with other friends, but I feel so self-conscious with her now, and resent the feeling that the most wonderful thing in my life irritates her. But she has said she misses me, and I miss her."
One friend expresses an intense dislike of children and frequently voices that stance. That dislike partly stems from gendered family expectations, including being expected to care for an infant niece while male relatives are not. The writer became a parent and now has a six‑month‑old who occupies most daily life. The parent feels awkward mentioning the baby because the friend has disparaged parents as "prattling on." The parent misses the friendship and fears being labeled "baby‑obsessed, self‑absorbed." The parent asks whether to be candid about feelings or minimize baby talk until conversations broaden. Parenting can coexist with friendships that do not center on children, but friendships that consistently produce discomfort may not remain solid.
Read at Slate Magazine
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