The article presents a satirical and humorous narrative about a cardinal who devises quirky and exaggerated strategies to impress fellow cardinals during a papal conclave. With a blend of exaggerated charm and outrageous antics, the cardinal seeks to stand out through playful attire, baking cookies, and engaging in light-hearted banter. His strategies include creating memorable moments, seeking to lighten the mood, and showcasing a whimsical personality, ultimately crafting an amusing perspective on the competitive nature of ecclesiastical politics.
Iâll be really nice to all the other cardinals in the conclave. Iâll ask if theyâve been working out, and say, âIt looks like someoneâs been praying for broader shoulders and sideburns.â
Iâll add fun accents to my cassock and sash-like a beret with a Hello Kitty pin instead of the traditional red hat-so the other cardinals will remember me.
Iâll squinch my eyes shut so tight when Iâm praying that I faint. When I come to, and the other cardinals ask if Iâm O.K., Iâll tell them, âOh, you know, just another vision of the Virgin.â
When Iâm alone, Iâll give myself pep talks in the mirror by saying, âHello, Mr. New Your Holinessâ; âIâm rested, Iâm ready, and Iâm infallible.â
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