How to Recover from a Bad Case of the F**k-its

"When they have done something wrong, many people use it, thinking: What the f**k? Why did I do that again! What the f**k is wrong with me? I'm such a f**k-up! The 'f**k-its' represent a state of self-criticism and frustration that emerges from unhelpful thinking patterns about oneself and one's circumstances."

"The group then started collecting 'unhelpful,' 'irrational,' or 'facilitating beliefs' on the whiteboard: I can't stand one of my cousins. He always says stupid things at the table. Everybody in my family drinks too much. We shouldn't have to follow so many rules. These beliefs directly contribute to emotional consequences including anger, anxiety, depression, and feeling hopeless and trapped."

"Some members started to 'dispute' (the D part of the ABC(DE)) some of the beliefs that they had already collected: Why can't you stand what your cousin says? Is it going to kill you? Hasn't he said that same thing every year? Disputing unhelpful beliefs through questioning their validity is a key mechanism for changing emotional responses."

The 'f**k-its' represent a state of frustration and self-criticism that arises from unhelpful or irrational thinking patterns. Using the ABC(DE) cognitive behavioral therapy framework, people can identify activating events, examine the beliefs triggering negative emotions, and dispute those beliefs to create better outcomes. Common unhelpful thoughts include catastrophizing about family situations, generalizing about others' behavior, and dismissing consequences. By recognizing these thought patterns and their resulting emotional consequences—such as anger, anxiety, depression, and hopelessness—individuals can challenge their beliefs and develop more constructive responses to difficult situations.

Read at Psychology Today