Carla admits she tends to be logical—not quite a Mr. Spock, but close. Her partner Jake admits that he tends to be emotionally driven-doing what he does based on how he feels. Each is sensitive to their own modes of operation-Carla thinks in terms of facts, and Jake thinks in emotions.
With the best of couples, this can go downhill fast. However, with fact-driven couples, these arguments can quickly get destructive: both feel they are right, both are frustrated and as the emotions rise, the arguments can get ugly—each feeling dismissed because the other doesn't agree with their facts. It becomes about winning rather than solving the problem.
When conflict arises, these styles can clash, creating dysfunctional communication loops. The keys are realizing when conversations are going nowhere and acknowledging each other's styles.
Initially, in those magical first few months, this was not a problem—Carla loved Jake's spontaneity, while Jake appreciated Carla's ability to march ahead and see through and solve problems.
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