"When you're giving advice, it's easy to stay calm. You can sit across from someone who's upset and tell them exactly what they should do because whatever pain comes from that decision will not be yours to bear. When there's no risk, you think clearly, you sound rational, and you speak with conviction."
"But being that friend also drained me. I would pour my heart and soul into helping them, only to watch them walk right back into the same unhealthy dynamics. They rarely set boundaries; they tolerated what they swore they wouldn't, made excuses, and justified behaviors."
"And yet, I had no business judging her, because the advice I offered with conviction was the same advice I never took myself, even when I most needed it."
Giving advice to others is easier than following one's own guidance because there is no personal risk involved. When helping friends through crises, advisors can speak with conviction and clarity, offering solutions that sound rational and wise. However, the same person often fails to apply this advice to their own life when facing difficult, uncomfortable decisions. This disconnect stems from the emotional stakes involved in personal situations versus the detachment of advising others. The frustration advisors feel when friends don't follow their counsel reflects a lack of understanding about how fear, discomfort, and personal investment complicate decision-making in ways that don't exist when offering external perspective.
Read at Psychology Today
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