"The holidays are marketed as the most wonderful time of the year, yet they are often anxiety-provoking, even for people with relatively healthy family relationships. For trauma survivors, December can feel less like a Hallmark movie and more like a psychological crime scene, especially for those with a long-standing family scapegoat subscription. Who Is the Family Scapegoat? The family scapegoat is most likely not the brother still living in Grandma's basement; not the aunt who cries when the spotlight drifts from her casserole;"
"Scapegoat roles are often assigned based on arbitrary factors such as resemblance to a parent, physical characteristics, appearance, birth order, gender, or medical or psychiatric conditions. Parents may project their own repressed desires, shame, or unresolved emotions onto one child. Children who are selected as the scapegoat often react to family dysfunction with dysregulated emotions, behavioral struggles, or defiance. They are frequently ostracized, which only intensifies these patterns (Bowen, 1978)."
Holiday gatherings often heighten anxiety for people who occupy a family scapegoat role, making celebrations feel like psychological minefields rather than joyful events. Scapegoat assignments arise from arbitrary factors such as resemblance to a parent, appearance, birth order, gender, or medical and psychiatric conditions. Parents may project repressed desires, shame, or unresolved emotions onto one child, prompting that child to react with dysregulated emotions, behavioral struggles, or defiance and to face ostracism. The scapegoat is frequently the most emotionally attuned person who refuses to collude with denial and who unconsciously carries what the family cannot face. Healing begins with recognizing the role, setting boundaries, and reclaiming a sense of self.
Read at Psychology Today
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