"As a child, she learned to "manage" her mother's emotions by staying quiet, anticipating her needs, and acting to take care of those needs. Dishes were done, the kitchen floor swept, and dinner cleaned up before her mother had to mention them needing to be done. Now, in her relationship with her boyfriend, Jake, Maya finds herself falling into the same pattern-when he's stressed or distant, she becomes hypervigilant, scrambling to "fix" his mood."
"In my experience of working with survivors, I find that it usually takes some kind of trigger to move them to dig deeper for greater awareness of their trauma history. This trigger can be an event, like a particularly painful argument with a parent, a divorce or breakup that we noticed was part of an uncomfortable pattern, or a relapse into substance use."
Trauma and domestic violence often reproduce across generations when children adapt to volatile caregivers by managing others' emotions and suppressing their own needs. Survivors can unconsciously repeat learned roles in adult relationships, becoming hypervigilant and attempting to fix others while neglecting personal distress. A triggering event—a painful argument, breakup, relapse, or other stressor—or a gradual awakening can spark awareness of these patterns. Recognition allows survivors to pause, notice exhaustion, and break automatic responses. Realizing that past harm was beyond personal control can bring relief and open pathways to deeper healing and behavioral change.
Read at Psychology Today
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