"For most of my life, there was a voice in my head that narrated everything I did, and it was kind of an a**hole. You know the one. That voice that jumps in before you even finish a thought: "Don't say that. You'll sound stupid." "Why would anyone care what you think?" "You're too much. You're not enough. You're a mess." No matter what I did, the critic had notes. Brutal ones. And the worst part? I believed every word."
"That inner critic wasn't trying to be cruel. It was trying to protect me. Twisted, but true. It believed if it shamed me first, I'd beat everyone else to it. If I kept myself small, or perfect, or invisible, I wouldn't become a target. If I could control myself enough, maybe the chaos would leave me alone. That voice became familiar. And familiarity, even when it's toxic, can feel like home."
Complex post-traumatic stress (CPTSD) can hijack internal dialogue, transforming survival strategies into a relentless inner critic. Early unsafe or unpredictable environments teach constant vigilance, self-blame, perfectionism, and the anticipation of rejection or anger. The critic functions as a twisted protector that shames preemptively to avoid external harm and enforces smallness, perfection, or invisibility to reduce threat. Familiarity with the critic makes toxic self-talk feel like home. Awareness of a disconnect between internal criticisms and supportive external relationships marks the beginning of change. Recognizing the critic's protective origin enables separation from its messages and the start of healing.
Read at Tiny Buddha
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