The Man Who Was Fired Five Times

"He came for treatment because of "low self-esteem." I asked for an example of a specific moment when he'd felt that way. He said that very morning, he'd received a terrible performance evaluation because everyone on his team was complaining he was impossible to work with. Bhagwant had defended himself fiercely. He told his boss they were jealous because he was the smartest and most creative member of the team. He also insisted they were prejudiced because he was from India, had darker skin, and looked different."

"Bhagwant asked me if there was any hope for him. He said he'd had mood problems for years, and it seemed as if everyone was against him. I told him I thought I could help him improve both his self-esteem and his relationships. Then I added that I doubted he would want what I had to offer. He looked startled. "Why wouldn't I want it?""

"I said, "Bhagwant, your situation really is unfair. I believe that you are incredibly smart and creative, and you deserve their support. They don't support you, and they certainly sound a bit racist. They criticize you and want you gone. Frankly, they sound pretty screwed up. But here's my problem. They're not here asking me for help." He nodded vigorously."

""That means," I continued, "that you would have to do all the changing yourself. You'd have to assume responsibility for turning things around-even though they are, as you've explained, a huge part of the problem." He frowned. "And there's more bad news. You'd have to work hard if I accepted you as my patient. Daily practice. Written psychotherapy homework. Learning new ways to think and communicate.""

A programmer presented with anger, paranoia, and chronic interpersonal conflict, seeking help for low self-esteem. He described a recent performance review where coworkers complained he was impossible to work with. He defended himself by claiming jealousy, and he alleged prejudice tied to his Indian background, darker skin, and appearance. His boss set a three-week deadline or termination. The clinician offered help for self-esteem and relationships but warned that change would require the client to do the work himself, despite unfair circumstances. The clinician emphasized daily practice, written psychotherapy homework, and learning new thinking and communication methods.

Read at Psychology Today