"Lisa, a client in her mid-50s, came to me a few months after her divorce. She was furious-at her ex for leaving, at her friends for not choosing sides, and most of all at herself for "failing" in her marriage. Beneath all that anger was something more profound: resistance. She clung to the fantasy that if she just tried harder, maybe her ex would come back."
""I can't accept this," she said. "This isn't how things were supposed to be. It's not how I imagined my life." That disconnect-between what we want things to be and how they are-is where many of us get stuck. However, the truth is that accepting reality isn't about giving up. It's the first step toward building something new. When we see resistance in others, the problem is easy to spot. Lisa's marriage was over; the sooner she faced that, the better off she'd be."
Resistance creates a false sense of control and often stems from clinging to how life was expected to be. Resisting painful realities drains emotional energy and entrenches suffering rather than eliminating it. Acceptance does not mean giving up; acceptance opens space to build something new and fosters growth and freedom. Resistance functions as a defense mechanism that dissociates painful thoughts, feelings, or memories from conscious awareness, but suppression intensifies the underlying force. Metaphorically, pushing down painful material is like holding a beach ball underwater: the harder the push, the stronger the eventual surge.
Read at Psychology Today
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